Coaching A Client Through Nutrition Guilt
This is a simple blog of a discussion between my client and myself. You’ll certainly learn something very valuable from how to manage your own feelings of guilt after a night of heavy eating and enjoyment .
Clients Email Subject Line “I’m a sinner”
“I feel like I have sinned. Tonight was an extremely special family occasion. We went out and had a celebration and I ate and drank. I feel super guilty for doing this. I have been very good on my eating habits until tonight. Do I just need to continue to follow the program or do I need to make a special adjustment?”
My response:
Such a = valuable moment here to coach you.
Saying "I am a sinner" results in a few damaging things. You feel terrible about your actions - like there is a moral obligation to you simply enjoying yourself like 90% of the population does for one night. You are not a bad person for this. You are human. Did you enjoy it? Did you have a good experience with it? When was the last time you did this? Wouldn't you like to do it again? Maybe you don't put a moral obligation to it, but rather be objective - meaning you can use language around what happened to form a measurable description without so much negative emotion" I ate over my calories, using very tasty foods, while in an environment that it was likely to do so." See here I just stated pure facts. Nothing about Bad or Good. Just facts. Self-compassion allows for reconciliation and corrections - not excessive criticism alone
Did you ever have a hockey coach or some teachers in your life that were ONLY critical and ONLY pushing you through fear? Worked a bit but you didn't really become empowered by this. What about a coach/mentor that pointed out important critiques but then came back to you with compassion, knowing why you made that mistake and gave you feedback for improvement?
You're being the drill Sargent here for yourself, without enough compassion. When I use to binge, time and time again, I would ONLY feel guilt, anger, and disappointment. But I didn't consider compassion, and then ask why I did it? And then once I started doing that, I recognized what was leading up to these habits and mistakes. I finally recognized the emotions and scenarios that would likely lead to it, now I can prevent them, or at least minimize them.
I highly recommend you review this interview with Laura C, who's a clinical psychologist, as we discuss the value of self-compassion to support your improvement.
You need enjoyment because if you haven't enjoyed the path of getting there, you will not keep it up or lose your result fast.
You couldn't have described a more appropriate scenario for you to enjoy that scene. You were at an "extremely special family occasion" and you felt the need to be present, and enjoy yourself with all of them...Do you actually regret that?
Let's say we are months down the road, you have the physique you love, and you want to keep it. Will you not have these exact scenarios again? In that scenario would you want to have a habit of being present and relaxed with your loved ones or being restricted and tense?
The one recommendation is to find the right amount of fun to have in these situations. You want to feel present and relaxed with loved ones. But this doesn't mean going over the deep end every time. You could think of it as a practice every time. Go in with the intent of "How much fun can I have, without feeling like it was too much?"
This will be a lifelong art form to a degree. Each special occasion will have different temptations, but that mindset going into it helps immensely.
I cannot tell you not to feel bad - feelings are instinctive.
But I can tell you to reflect from different perspectives, and in time you may feel different about these situations. Believe more will come, and that's just more reps to practice it.
The yo-yo diet is dependent on moment extremes - this is why I call it the Peldulm effect.
Pulling back and being restrictive will easily lend itself to the result of going overindulging without feeling you can stop yourself (willpower is exhausted).
What's more important is it becomes a cycle of ritual by going HARD in the opposite direction, slamming into strict behavior even harder than before.
...Then it's just a matter of time before the binging happens and the swinging back and forth continues.
How do you stop it?
Don't overcompensate for the mistake. Spend the next day practicing the mindset of compassion, and maybe reflect on what could be done better. But as far as your nutrition and exercise plan? You act like almost nothing is different. You got back to the old food and 48hours later you'll be shocked to realize you're doing just fine!
Within one occasion you certainly could undo about 1-3 days of progress. But that's not 5lbs of body fat like we 'feel' it is. It only becomes a problem when the pendulum swings back and forth with bigger and bigger momentum, so the extremes become bigger, and they become more frequent.
In summary - you're human and had a great night being human.
Work on your internal language with yourself to not be morally defined by your dieting. Be objective, compassionate, and look for improvement.
Remember you need to enjoy your life. How healthy is your ideal physique if you have to give up on valuable moments with loved ones? You missing a key part of health and that is social and mental wellbeing.
Lastly, the next step doesn't need to change. You've been SUPER discipline despite what your life has thrown at you in this last month, and you've had one human night. You are doing awesome and need to recognize that.
I hope this advice helps you understand this process better, as it's a very normal and valuable lesson to go through.