Practice of Growing Belief
If you were to rate your self-belief right now on a scale of 1-10, what would you rate it?
When I say self-belief, I refer to your internal belief within yourself to achieve your goals in life.
Think about this honestly, and take a deep dive into your soul and ask yourself. Now are you around 6/10? Maybe a 7/10?
I would perceive myself as a 8/10. This has been both my superpower and my detriment.
I call it my superpower, because it comes from a lesson I learnt from a young age from my mother. She taught me to leave the past behind and move forward with a positive mindset. Don’t focus on what you cannot control.
This all dates back to the day I’ll never forget, in the locker room, talking to my hockey coaches and mother, and the coaches suggested that I try becoming a goalie full-time that year. If I did I had to keep my cool and leave the past behind me. I was maybe 11-12 years old, but that decision shaped me.
A goalie has so much they cannot control, with all the pressure adding up to their decision, that can make or break a game for their whole team. If you saw my first time as a goalie, you’d laugh to think I was writing this blog today because I slammed my stick five times for each puck that went in (and many went in). Years later I focused on a monk-like indifference to the atmosphere of the game. Allowed me to find my zone better.
I also said detriment because I now have a hard time finding my critical point. When am I not doing enough? Am I in good enough shape? Shouldn’t I be leaner if I am a trainer and nutritionist that prides himself on improving my physique? Should I be stronger? A better boxer than the athletes I work with?
The thing is that if these questions don’t arise, then I don’t challenge my potential. If I say I am in good enough shape, and I am doing enough, I can falter into laziness, with the risk of becoming a coach out of shape that I don’t want to be, and few would want to hire.
This is the mental practice of growth within all of us. This is indeed a practice.
This is becomes more complicated as life has more challenges for us as we grow older.
What about so many other priorities that may come up for you?
Your career?
Your family?
Your friends? Relationships?
Your intelligence?
These are insecurities that exist in all of us, and so this becomes the most difficult practice to balance the positivity and negativity in our minds, but is so vital to success in life.
Why?
Because even if you do something well but you cannot look at it while giving yourself credit for what you’ve done, what’s the point of the experience? This just leads to less self-belief.
Or if you don’t look at yourself critically enough when you’re not doing a good job, you’re not living up to your full potential. This will likely again lead to less self-belief because you haven’t challenged your limitations.
This is why it’s a practice. Just the right amount of self-critique, and the right amount of self-love can lead to a great life.
By no means am I saying I’ve figured it out - I still feel like I can be lazy, irresponsible, and too careless at times - I’m not living up to my potential...Yet.
I believe that’s okay! I never even want to achieve that feeling completely, because then I will feel too content and likely fall away from the growth mindset. As long as I’m less lazy, irresponsible, and careless as yesterday, then I’ve grown. There’s no end game but a lifestyle of movement forward with growth.
There is a magic spice I’d like to offer; Regret Forgiveness.
Fundamentally we can look at our past mistakes in 3 ways:
No Regret
Regret with self loathing
Regret with forgiveness
The feeling of regret is a potent feeling but a useful tool. We messed up, and did something wrong, after we get a feeling deep in us. Funny to describe but it shakes you at your core, and makes you want to shake your head and yell sometimes. Even reword what you may have said to a person.
This is a tough feeling but this is how we learn, and why saying you have no regrets can lead to complacency with so many more mistakes.
However, too much value in the feeling of regret can leave you hating your present self - which is the biggest mistake. It was the previous you that made that decision.
Each moment in our lives we are gathering information, and learning about our environment. You had a moment where your emotions and environment lead you to a decision. You were that person, but now if you see fault, you can become a new person.
This is where you can imagine an actual conversation with your previous self and forgive them, but the new you, current you, will not make that error again. (Or at least less of a chance)
This was how I felt when a puck got behind me. I knew I missed it, and it may have let the team down, but I couldn’t live in the past. I removed the puck as soon as I could, I recognized how I made the mistake to learn from it, then I focused on the next opportunity for the next puck to prove I had learnt and can do better.
This is how I stay optimistic for myself, and I feel I’m able to grow without carrying too much weight from the past, but simply take the lessons.
Fast forward 15 years later I’m doing the same practice with my training, my food and my business. There are always faults, but therefore there are always lessons.
Think about your most recent regret. Have a conversation with your older self, and offer forgiveness. Remember who you were in that moment, and recognize what led to the emotions to cause this error.
Not only can you leave this moment now feeling less anguish toward your current self, but you could probably see something that was missed because you were just so angry at yourself.
Learn from your past, and live in your future with more knowledge.
Be ready for your next opportunity to prove that you’ve grown your mindset and built new belief in yourself.